What does it all matter? What I feel will be a milestone in my career is but a casual Monday night to other talents in other journeys.
Other comedians will go "further" than me, others will never get half as far as I've already gone. I get the full spectrum of reviews, notes, comments and compliments.
What this opportunity is Illuminating in my life is that my search for external acceptance and approval has been both a source for creative strength and a crippling burden I've carried.
So I'm striving hard not to worry about what this matters to the agents trying to book me for Christmas shows, my fellow comedians both cooperative and competitive, or to the audience who on any given night have had a level of control over my feelings akin to Cesar passing judgement over a gladiator's life.
This matters to me. My show, my product, my identity on stage, that's what needs to matter more than anything else.